These verses started off as an attempt to understand a friend with a great sadness in her life. I first tried to write in prose but these verses came out instead. I suppose this allowed me to try to attain a meaning that is not possible otherwise.
The ending reveals my wish for her to reach some kind of resolution and continue with her life.
I cannot feel. I am emotionless.
Then there is numbness beyond numbness and a pain beyond pain.
Only death will release me
An infinite unwinding empty path where I breathe the foul cloud of despair.
Hot coals sear my tearless soul.
Yet I tread the path for there is nothing else
I awake from this dread dream to an icy waste.
I tread the numbing cold that stills all life. Yet it is the same path.
The path follows me from my dream and I follow the path.
On and on and on…..never ending…..
The cold rain comes.
I am chilled and choked by the deluge.
Washing, washing, washing.
Washing away my dream within a dream
As if freed of poison my spirit sends up a small shoot.
A glimmer of sunlight, a new green leaf, then a single drop of water hanging there.
I feel, then taste, a single tear.
My tears now, are a babbling brook.
Why do I welcome this new unhappiness?
The brook runs beside that same path
What is this path?
Who follows who?
A cold breeze with the smell of new life finds me
It cools my sorrow smeared cheeks.
I tread the path one foot in front of the other.
I go on, though know not why
There it is! A wonder!
A bud pushing through the cold earth.
An unopened bloom.
I lie down and embrace the bud with my sobbing.
Sobbing, sobbing, sobbing
On my back now, a gentle sun dries my tears.
One last sob, a deep breath, a sigh, eyes wide open
I thought I was empty when I was full.
NOW I am empty.
Spring and sweet blooms
The smell of new mown hay
The sun on the meadow
The moon’s shadow
The smile of a child
The warmth of friends
My indomitable spirit
I begin again to fill my cup.
I tread the path never ending…